im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its liver damage thursday
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
