Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
