Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
