booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
