I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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