That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
