Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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