Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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