chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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