Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
