i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You made out with two different species that night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
