the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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