i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
