He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
