Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
