He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
