is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
