If i could tip my vagina, i would.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
