Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drunk is a universal language darling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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