NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
