I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
