walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
