so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
