i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a search helicopter?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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