I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
