I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
