dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
