We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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