please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
