When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
