some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
