Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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