you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
