Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
