you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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