I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
