school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
