Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
