Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
