the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
