Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
