my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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