You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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