Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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