I just cut my nipple shaving
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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