dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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