There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
