Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
