why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
