How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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