is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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