whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
