dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
