i was born a porn star she said
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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